Saying goodbye

Smiling D

M and some of the "entourage"

D found a buddy

Coming back into Singapore

Our last day of cruising was spent at the kid’s club (D and M), getting a massage (me), reading and relaxing (J), and packing up. Of course the disembarking was hectic, frenzied and full of pushing and shoving (I am starting to get used to it though) and by 8:00 Wednesday night we were back in our house. I was happy to be home but sad that the trip was over. I got our stuff unpacked and tucked the boys in and checked the mail. There, in a very thin envelope, was a letter from US immigration. Normally we get things returned in a big packet- they always send our denied application back with a big red slash through each page (how kind- there are documents, marriage and birth certificates, special sized photos that cost a whole lot of money to print, pay statements, letters from employers, bank details and many other things that take a lot of time, hassle and cash to acquire. But the Embassy ALWAYS makes sure we cannot re-use them)- but today’s letter was tiny! I ripped it open, and standing outside in the darkness next to the dim streetlight I could make out the words, “Your petition has been approved.”

Oh. My. God.

I was shaking and soon crying. Yes, this is just Round 1 and we still have a WHOLE lot more to conquer here, but we have never made it this far and the feeling was incredible. No, it doesn’t mean we are packing our stuff and leaving Singapore and it certainly doesn’t mean J has his visa just yet, but we are more on our way than we have ever been and it is an amazing feeling. His legal status would make life a lot easier for us.

Since I’m such a card-carrying Liberal I’ll just thank the work of Barack Obama for this. (No political comments, please. Support your own views on your own blog.)

So this was good. Very good.

Then I called my Mom to tell her about the trip and I found out my Grandma, my last living grandparent, had died.

And I was sad.

Yes, she was verryyy old and she went very peacefully and for a while now everyone thought she was “ready” to go.

But it still sucks.

And I feel/felt the distance of living here more than ever.

Asians do a whole lot more to respect and pay tribute to their elders, and I like that value, so here is my turn: My Grandma was super funny, so easygoing, could recite poetry and entire stories she learnt in kindergarten!, travelled the world, volunteered, was widowed early and raised 4 kids who remained intensely loyal til the end. I remember in high school she visited and I got my braces tightened so I was home from school and we went to the Jelly Belly factory. She was so delicate and only ate one bean at a time, slowly. She thought it was so great just to have one and to savour it. Little things made her happy. I never knew her husband but I know he worked hard for his family and was much loved. My Mom’s parents were very generous and loving to us, our whole lives. My Grandpa was so very kind, handsome and forthright... a “stand-up” guy. He loved baseball and was an extremely hard worker. M is named after him. My maternal Grandma was always doing things for us as we grew up, taking us places, shopping with us, cutting my hair (too short!! Aahh!) and even Western Union-ed my sister and I money when we went to Vegas so we could gamble. She knew the value of retail therapy, a piece of chocolate, a new bottle of perfume, and a margarita. Even though my grandparents all lived across the country from us they sent us cards, called us regularly and made a point to come visit us and stay in touch.

And now they are gone, and what saddens me most is that my kids won’t know them. And that sucks too. But I remember when D was born one of the midwives asked me about why we chose his name. (His middle name is “Aksel” who was in fact the twin brother of J’s Dad, but died young.) I told her the story.

The midwife smiled and said, “Oh, Aksel lever fortsatt.” (Roughly, Aksel still lives, but it is better in Norwegian.)

So now I know I must make tributes and keep reminders for my children so they know who my grandparents were. It’s not as good as meeting them in person, but it’s better than nothing.